I Believe The Children Are Our Future

Thanks to the 2005 Draught Master Champion for forwarding this to me a few hours ago. While I hate to flood the site with YouTube videos, I would be doing all of you a disservice if I kept this to myself.

Ladies…and Gentlemen, Miss Teen South Carolina and A.C. Slater:

Seriously, someone get this girl a helmet before she hurts herself. Don’t worry, Lauren Caitlin Upton. Being hot will get you through most of life’s difficult moments. It just won’t stop Mario Lopez from doing a shitty job of not laughing at you.

 

In fairness, it is a bit of a trick question since any sensible answer would involve criticizing lazy, stupid Americans and the broken public education system. And, you know, God Fucking Forbid someone criticize the United States during a Miss Teen USA pageant. Due to FCC concerns, Lauren wasn’t able to give the actual answer: “Stop being so fucking stupid and open a book once in a while.” You know, if there was an actual coherent thought rattling around her head.

mp3:

Bomani “D’Mite” Armah — Read A Book (brilliant accompanying animation)

UPDATE: This priceless “Father Knows Best” story comes from Philadelphia:

PHILADELPHIA - A 13-year-old boy, who police found handcuffed and chained to a bed, was arrested a day later on charges of vandalism and attempted auto theft. The boy and some friends vandalized a couple of vehicles and tried to steal a car from a dealership in Philadelphia on Saturday, police said.

A day earlier, police were called to the boy’s home in the Frankford neighborhood and found him chained and handcuffed to a bed. The boy’s father, Russell Fisher, told police he restrained the boy to keep him out of trouble.

Police arrested Fisher, 42, on Friday night and charged him with unlawful restraint, false imprisonment, endangering the welfare of a child and recklessly endangering another person.